When did that cute baby turn into a roaring, tantrum throwing monster? Why do I have a defiant three year old?

The answer  “it’s a stage” is very true but not a great help in managing those difficult moments.

It is impossible to spoil a baby, they need to develop trust in the people who care for them and we do this by responding to their needs. By developing their trust, we help them accept the discipline that is needed when they are older.

By around 18mths & 2 years the child develops a “sense of power”, the child wills something and it will happen.

This is the stage where we need to provide guidance to protect him and to help him learn about reality. Parental discipline at this stage will:

• Protect him and teach him to be aware of danger.
• Recognise that there are other people in his world
• Teach him reality, that things don’t happen by magic
• Teach him frustration tolerance, learning that certain behaviours , actions and toys are not acceptable. This helps him learn to deal with his feelings.
• Encourage maturity
• Display control, children learn and appreciate that parents are controlling their lives.

Babies and toddlers at this age a capable of manipulating their parents. The first few tantrums may happen by accident. He soon realises that throwing tantrums sometimes gets him what he wants.

How do I do this?

The important rule of providing guidance for your child is to set up routines and guidelines that are suitable for your family.

• What are the expectations of my household?
• What is totally unacceptable?
• What can I ignore?
• Remember it is okay to just say “no you can’t”.
• Set up behaviour management strategies that are simple & effective and both parents agree on.
• Ensure your expectations are in line with your child’s age and stage of development.
• Be consistent

What do I do?

Decide the technique you are going to use. Some strategies used by parents and child care services are:

• Give are warning time before a change, ie  bathtime, going shopping.  Eg “finish building that tower and then we’ll pack away it’s time for your bath”
• 1,2,3, for steps to compliance, consequences for non compliance, eg “ they blocks will stay away until tomorrow”
• Change your tone of voice and speak calmly but firmly
• Remove the child from the situation. Allow them time to calm down, either in their room or another area of the house with some quiet toys or books. Allow the child to choose their own time to  return, when they are calmer.