Many parents find children do not listen and so become angry & frustrated, often resorting to yelling and using a loud angry tone.   Sensitive children will be upset by this and become less co-operative. It is hard for children to respond to instructions instantly.   This is normal, especially for children under five years of age! 

Take a minute to understand what is going on for your young child. The child is absorbed in their world of make believe & pretend. It takes a few minutes to move from their world to your world and gain their attentions. Children need time to transition from one activity to the next.  Transition time in child care centres and in the home is one that requires the most patience and skill from adults. It is the time when many children “act out” as they do not like change.  

Let them know five minutes ahead of time that it is bath time, or time to get in the car or find shoes.  This is more respectful and more effective. After five minutes walk over to a young child, get down to their level & say in a normal voice “Time to find your shoes”. Gain eye contact as well. Children under two need 15 seconds “delay” to compute your instruction. So say it once, count to 15 slowly (in your head) before repeating it.  

Sometimes parents have unrealistic expectations of young children. To determine if your child “should” be able to do this, or “should” be able to remember that, seek professional advice. Alternatively check out children at the park or the shops of similar age & see if they are behaving in a similar fashion. 

Tom, Father of Jack aged 8 felt his son was not good at focusing and paying attention when asked to do attend to chores or jobs. Tom, recently put his hand up to coach the local 8 year old soccer team. When he was instructing nine eight year olds he realised what a gem Jack is and what a good “listener” he is!   This was also validated by the teacher at a parent teacher meeting. 

A fun way to get a child to move happily from one activity to the next is to sing a little song. Try one for packing away eg “pick it up, put it up, pack away time is here”. This works really well as it pulls the child from left brain overly focused (I busy am playing with my blocks) to right brain big picture. (I can listen now). This really does work!

Tips

Give positive, concrete suggestions. Let children know what to do rather than telling them what not to do. For example, instead of directing, "Don't run," state, "Walk."Make sure directions are easy to understand. Repeat them slowly or rephrase them in new ways. Remove distractions such as background noise so children can focus their listening skills.

Model good listening skills. Spend time with individual children tuning in to what they have to say and talking about their ideas. Good listening is crucial to processing and following directions.

Share control. Ask children to help think of different ways to clean up or make transitions. They might come up with creative and unique directions for unexciting but necessary tasks.

Make following directions fun. Play games like Giant Steps to sharpen listening skills. Make transitions to new activities interesting by galloping like horses or picking up Legos with lobster claws.

Share books with predictable sequences. Stories like If You Give a Mouse a Cookie (HarperCollins, 1985; paper: HarperTrophy, 1997) can help children learn to anticipate the next suggestion in a sequence. 

For more on how the brain works and how music works with getting children to listen: Read the book “Why Wont My Child Listen?”