Unfortunately way too many marriages end up with separation and divorce and I am dedicating these next few line to anyone who is in the midst of all of this and needs some guidance in how to survive this time without any lasting effects.

Of course every situation is and will be different but even if there is only one thing you can learn from my experience I am happy to have opened up and shared it here.

I don't call myslef lucky for where I am now as I know now that it was completely up to me to take the steps I have taken and ake those decisions I have made. One thing I had going for me. I came an opportunity which solved, well I can not say solved but assisted me in working through this difficult time.

Once we find ourselves in a situation of marriage break-up or separation we become very vulnerable and our list of preferance and importance changes drastically. But that is a good thing. We finally are able to be at cause in our life if we choose so and that can be very liberating if we know how.

Sometimes we something bad to happen to make us wake up and create that long needed change but as it is human nature most of us choose to stay in our comfort zone even though we might see what else could be if we just would take a leap out of it once.

So back to my story! 

I found myself left alone with my then 4 year old daughter, totally heart broken, cheated on, used and no self confidence at all. Best of all was that I was a stay at home mum and didn't have an income. Now what?

Everything went pretty quickly and thinking back now I am actually grateful for all of this happening. It opened my eyes and I was finally able to take My life into my own hands. I knew it wouldn't be easy but I was the only one responsible what would happen and I was and still am the only accountable for all the results. 

I came across a business opportunity I was able to do from home which solved my problem in how to generate an income and how to deal with daily tasks now being a single mum. As you know that can be quite difficult. I mean juggling work and stil be there for your child(ren).

Also I have been introduced to a personal development program which assited me as a person, my thinking and basically change my (our) whole way of living and lifestyle. It even cure my long term depression and panick attacks which I have been suffering from in the last few years due to all the tension in my marriage.

But coming back to how to deal with this whole situation is that we have to understand that we can not change the world but we Can change how we react to things. Blaming everyone else is not going to solve anything but making decisions and taking action towards our goals and dreams where We call the shots and We make the decisons, will have an amazing impact on our life. 

In the end, the most important thing is that we keep positive and build a strong and loving relationship with our child(ren) And with the other parent whenever possible. People separate but that doens't mean we have to fight! Understand that we as parents will always be connected as we share a child(ren) and that means we have to do everything to give them the best of both worlds as hard this may be at first.

I grew up without my dad. He left when I was 3 but I know that if I wouldn't have made the effort to re-create and re-build our relationship when I was a teenager he would have never make that leap. Not really sure why he was the way he was but now I have both parents in my life. Even though they both have moved on with other people. For my inner child it is important to know that I am loved by both and that I was not the reason they have separated. 

And that brings me to the next topic in this. 

We (both parents, but seprately) have speak to our children about what and why things happened. Of course they don't need to know all the details and keep in mind about the language to use. It has to be easy enough for them to understand. Give them examples about the feelings involved. Use dolls to play out what happened or anything you can think of to make it easier for them to deal with what is happening in their little lives.

Our children are the ones which hurt the most! Nothing is more important than making sure they are ok in all of this.

Yes we are important as well but there will be other boyfriends, girlfriends etc but we can not change our children when it doens't work out, right?!

Intoducing the 'new partner':

Well that is one thing I haven't done as yet as I just didn't feel secure enough. I believe we have to be 100% that the person we choose is going to be a long term partner, otherwise don't bother. It's way to complicated and difficult.

Please understand that NOBODY will be as good as the original parent and the child will always rebel against anyone new! If we are sure about the new person it's all about taking it slow and making sure our children still feel that there are number one in our lives. 

In the end all we can do is do our best and don't be afraid to reach out! Be careful as people will bombard you with well intented advce but in the end it's only You who should make the decisions and only you know what you actually want and how you feel about any of this. 

Don't rush and don't panic. Try and enjoy this time. It is and can be difficult, but htere is always a solver lining and later on you will always look back and know why all of this happened. 

Just think: If you could be a 100% certain that your life will change for the better, would it be easier to deal with what you are going through right now? 

Let me tell you one thing......it will be better! But you have to make that choice that it will and don't be afraid to take that leap out of your comfort zone.

All the Best 

Rita Schwarcz

Business and Lifestyle mentor

www.MyLifechangeBiz.com

Feel free to connect with me on facebook:

www.facebook.com/ritaschwarcz