**Excerpt from Smart Parenting for Safer Kids
RECOGNISING AND RESPONDING TO FEELINGS INTRODUCE LANGUAGE TO EXPRESS FEELINGS:

Child protection programmes emphasise the importance of helping young children to become aware of and extend their vocabulary to express their feelings so they can respond safely to potentially unsafe situations. They should begin to recognise what it is to be happy, sad, worried, and angry and that something is yucky and creepy. Early childhood centres often make a 'Feeling Box' which contains materials with different textures that give differing sensations, ranging from sandpaper of various grades to hessian, steel wool, dough, plasticine, a pan scourer, a nail brush, velvet and silk. You can include something 'yucky' to emphasise that yucky feelings are different from others.

For sighted children, make a hole in the top of the box just big enough for a hand to go through. To prevent children from seeing the contents, attach a toeless sock to the hole. They then push their hand through the sock to reach the materials to be touched. The child is asked to describe the feel of the first object to be touched. Is it a soft, rough, nice touch or a worrying touch that they don't like? Some people use yucky substances such as manufactured slime, dough, plasticine, pretend spiders and obnoxious substances found in novelty shops. Ask children to describe how they feel before and after they put their hand in the box. Do feelings change when they remove the object and see what it is? Is that a good feeling or a yucky one? Which parts of their body tell them that it is yucky?  What do they want to do when they get that feeling?  When they react negatively to pretend creepy-crawlies, ask how they felt when they picked up what they thought was a real insect. How did their feeling change when they found it was plastic? Which parts of their body told them that they didn't like what they were holding?In addition you can:

• Provide a variety of activities that enable children to express feelings appropriately
  
• Play different kinds of music: happy, sad, loud and soft and discuss how it makes children feel
  
• Discuss colours and how they make children feel
  
• Designate a grumpy corner where children go to simmer down
  
• Provide a stamping mat for stamping out angry feelings

An extension of this activity is to provide small containers which hold safe odours such as herbs, lavender, disinfectant, ginger, garlic and fish. Chart which smells give good feelings and which give bad feelings. Blindfolds are often used for activities to develop senses, but be aware that some children may panic when they lose their sense of control.Understanding children's feelings is important. You need to know what is happening in their lives and acknowledge that their world can be frightening and worrying. For example, when children complain that pebbles hurt their bare feet on the beach, agree with them that pebbles can hurt. If you don't, they will argue indefinitely to convince you that you are wrong. Agree that situations can be scary and then ask for suggestions as to how they can be changed. Most children are afraid of darkness, shadows, rustling trees outside bedroom windows and nightmares. They imagine that murderous monster-stranger-robbers are coming to kidnap them. Many problems can be easily resolved by buying a torch or a night-light that doesn't cast shadows, for example.

Emphasise that there are things adults can do to help when they are sad, angry, worried or afraid. Encourage children to express and respond to feelings appropriately. This is especially important for boys. Those who grow up unable to express emotions are disadvantaged in relationships. Help children to identify feelings when opportunities arise. When they resort to aggressive behaviour, it is usually because they lack the knowledge and skills to achieve their needs by acceptable means. When a dispute occurs, stop the action and tell the participants that they will each be heard. Encourage each child in turn to explain what happened in terms of their own feelings. For example: "I was upset because he took my doll and I thought he might break it and I wouldn't get it back." Each child is asked how s/he would like the situation to be handled better next time. Ask the aggressor if s/he is aware of the relevant rules of behaviour. What were the aggressor's needs? How could his needs have been met in a more appropriate way? Victims are then invited to comment on the aggressor's suggestions. How do they feel about them? Can they suggest other methods? Ideally the adult gains a consensus and the participants are asked to verbalise the agreement they just reached. Initially the process is slow, but once the procedure is learned, children will resolve situations by themselves and reduce future opportunities for friction.

Brainstorm what we can do when we have bad or sad or angry feelings. Look at pictures of people in magazines and books and discuss what kind of feelings they are having......